Finding Daddy in God

A week or so ago, I was scrolling through my ipod looking for something to listen to. I saw the name "Jennifer Miller" curious, I decided to give it a go.
Before I go further, let me set this up. I grew up in a two parent family, (for the most part, they separated several times and nearly divorced once) my dad is the kind of person that if you ask for something, and he gives it to you, there are strings attached, or he wants a lot of information; what is it for, don't give it to the church, etc. So, asking for anything from my dad is something I absolutely loathe doing.

Jennifer's story is that her family seemed happy enough, and they all loved the Lord until her dad left when she was 7. That pretty much left them with no income. When her dad lived with them, she could go to her dad whenever she needed something.
When he left, her mother told the children that God was their daddy,and if they needed something, they should ask their daddy. They did,and time and time again, he came through. In an amazing way. The family's faith was amazing.
It's easy for me to say to someone else that God is their daddy, and he will provide all your needs, but for whatever reason, although I know he loves me, it's been hard for me to think of him as MY daddy.

After listening to Jennifer Miller, I laid in bed that night thinking about what she said,and her testimony.
With a daughter getting married, it's really tight here. We are doing a wedding on a ridiculously small budget, less than 3,000.00 .
No one has offered help with money,but we have had offers of decorating items that will save us plenty and one friend offered a chocolate fountain and fruit to go with it ,as her gift to Hannah!
One thing Hannah and her fiancee thought would be helpful is if family wanted to, would they pitch in on the photographer.
I asked my dad,and opened a can of worms. "I never thought that would be a wedding gift I would want to give my grand daughter" "What do you mean, transportation?" "Isn't there a photographer in town who can do the pictures?"(Not for the price she is doing it for) " Does she have experience?" "Why isn't Hannah asking me this?" Those are really questions that he asked me. I cried.
That is exactly why I didn't want to ask,but did anyway, and wished I hadn't, as is the usual result. Ugh.
Wonder if I will ever learn.

Back to God, I laid in bed that night and thought about how 450.00 would be awesome right now. I decided to give God a try, asking him as daddy, not just God.
Oh boy. I thought I was going to just be able to do it without a problem. Not so. I began praying (out loud) "God..." I felt the impression "I am your DADDY" I tried again "God..." ugh. I should be able to do this! I am a grown woman for goodness sake!
"I am your DADDY ask me as your daddy" Okay, here goes. I literally closed my eyes, squinted them shut, really, and decided I was going to do it. "Daddy, I need $450.00" (only if I typed the way I said it , it would be "DaddyIneed450.00" I laid there for a second, waiting, with my eyes still squinted shut.
Nothing. By that I mean, I didn't get the usual 3rd degree that I do with my biological father.
"Hmmm..." I thought. "That wasn't so bad" I don't know if he will give me $450.00 but I just know that I didn't get the barrage of questions that I do with my biological dad.

Don't get the impression that I don't love my dad, I do. He is my dad,but I also know him,and I know how it is every time I ask for something. I get the 3rd degree, or there are strings attached. When my mom died, he had us go through the house and my mom's clothes only a few days after we buried mom. As we were going through the house, he would say things like "This is MINE. ,and that is so and so's" or "I bought that bedroom set for your mom" The day we had the funeral, we got back to my Grandma's house,and he had my sisters and I go through mom's jewelry. Every time I would say there was something I wanted, my sister would say she wanted it. Finally, we came to a ring and earring set made of coral that mom got in Hawaii. I wanted it. I practically had to beg my dad for it. It was basically the only thing I got out of all my mom' s jewelry. I had to tell my dad how much it meant to me,how badly I wanted it,and I didn't care if I got anything else(Mom had some pretty pieces of jewelry) just the ring and earrings. I got it, but at a price. That's how it is with my dad.
That night though, when I asked my daddy God, I didn't get the barrage of questions.I didn't get the strings that always come with, or the feeling of guilt for asking. And feeling like a beggar.
I don't know if that is how dad intends to be, but it's how he is. He's not a bad guy, he is careful with his money,and I get that. I try to be careful with ours as well. But we struggle,and trying to do this wedding on a super tight, practically impossible budget is daunting.

Now though, even if I don't get the 450.00, I know that I can go to my daddy God,with my needs and wants,and I won' t have to feel like I am on trial! I think I can call him daddy, at least much easier than before!