The ( Could Have Been) National Lampoon Camping Trip

It all started out innocently enough. Our oldest daughter, Laura wanted to go camping for her birthday. So, plans were made to go to Little Grass Valley, her favorite place to camp.

As soon as Dick got off work, we loaded up the gear and the dog and headed up the hill. Thus began what we fully expected to be a fun family camping trip. Little did we know, it would be a weekend we would not soon forget.
As we pulled into Little Beaver; loop A was much more full than we expected, even for a July weekend. Fortunately, we found one of our favorite spots was available; so we wasted no time setting up camp.
As we did so, we noticed we had two extra children hanging around. Our neighbor’s children; (naturally curious and not naturally shy), decided to make their presence known.
Quickly realizing that they had no plans to go back to their camp, and noticing that mom had no interest in telling them to come back; I tried to politely send them on their way.
After a couple of attempts; their mother got the hint and called them back to their camp.
Thinking that was the end of that, we went on about fixing dinner and getting ready for the next day.
As darkness began to fall; we made sure to lock all our ice chests and other food items in the car, to discourage any bears from invading our camp.
Noticing that our neighbors had not put their ice chests away; Dick went over to talk to the neighbors, thinking maybe they were unaware of the bear threat.
As luck would have it, we found out they were “clampers” and this was their annual weekend gathering at Little Grass Valley. They always chose Little Beaver, and chose loop A, they told us, because that was the best campground at the resort.
“Oh, Hooray” we thought. “This is going to be an interesting weekend.” (E Clampus Vitus has a reputation for some wild partying.) We tried to think positively, but none of us was having much success.

As the conversation went on; Dick asked; “You are going to put your food away, right?”
“We know” the man replied. “But, are you going to put it away?” Dick asked again. “We know” the man answered again.
It didn’t take long to figure out that they were not going to lock up their food. All we could do was pray (literally!) and hope the bears decided not to be hungry that night.
We went to bed, unsure of whether we could or should sleep that night.

I woke up a while later to a rather unpleasant smell. “Oh, great, the bear has pooped right next to my side of the tent!” I thought.
Since I was not about to go out and look, I tried to ignore the smell and went back to sleep. A bit later; I felt a little body lying on top of me. Half asleep, I absently reached up to pat the body. I realized quickly, that it was our youngest, Chloe, and she was naked.
“What are you doing?” I asked. “ I just wanted to snuggle with you, mom.” Came the reply. I looked at the alarm clock and noted the time; 2:00 a.m. “AT two o’clock in the morning?”

“Where are your pajamas?” I asked Chloe. “I was hot, so I took them off!”
“Go get your pajamas back on and get back in bed” I ordered, suddenly wide awake..
As Chloe got up to go back to her sleeping bag, I thought maybe I should turn on the flashlight so she could see where she was going. As I did so, I suddenly realized that what I thought was the bear’s bodily waste I smelled, was not the bear after all; but Chloe.
“Don’t get back in that sleeping bag!” I exclaimed. Chloe stood there, waiting to see what she should do next.. I yelled at Dick to get up and help me. I began tossing soiled clothes and bedding out of the tent. Dick took over that job and I began trying to clean Chloe enough until I could bathe her properly.
“Do we have to go home?” she asked. “Not now, but we may have to go home tomorrow” I replied. Chloe began to cry “I didn’t mean to! I couldn’t help it!” Realizing the poor girl thought it was her fault, and that she was in trouble, I tried to reassure her that neither was the case, but that we couldn’t stay if she was sick. By this time, Laura was awake, vocalizing her opinion about her sister ruining HER birthday camping trip.

“Go back to sleep and mind your own business!” I snapped. Laura reluctantly laid back down and kept quiet. I apologized, and informed Laura that it was not her sister’s fault. Accidents happen.. We got things cleaned up as best we could and tried to go back to sleep.
A short time later, we woke again, to the neighbor’s dog and our dog’s barking and the neighbors shouting. The bear had decided to visit and their dog had treed the bear. The girls wanted to see. Dick firmly told the girls to stay put.. We waited, hoping the neighbors would call off their dog, the bear would leave, and we could go back to sleep.
It was not to be. The two men in the camp decided to stay up, since quiet time ended in only two more hours. Suffice it to say they were NOT quiet, and I think I even yelled at them that people were trying to SLEEP! Obviously, it was a wasted effort.

We did finally manage to get an hour or two of sleep. Chloe informed us after the short sleep we all had that she was just fine, could we please stay one more night?
Since there had been no other incidents that could be mistaken for the bear, we agreed that we could stay another night. Fortunately, I had a plastic zipper bag from a bedspread I had recently bought. We put all the soiled items in the bag, and set it away from the tent.
In the meantime, our dog had made herself comfortable on Chloe’s egg crate foam. After wrestling with the dog; I managed to get her off of it and haul it to the dumpster. I could feel the pitiful brown eyes following me to the dumpster. I could imagine what Callie’s opinion of me was at that moment.
(later, both the dog and Chloe got a bath in the lake!)

The plan for the day, as per Laura’s request was fishing, and then Italian Sausages and roasted bell peppers for dinner, to be followed by opening presents, easy enough. ( or so I thought) We packed up our lunch, scratched the dog goodbye and headed out for a day of fishing on the lake, putting the events of the night and early morning behind us.

After a successful fishing expedition, we returned to camp, our mouths watering at the thought of sausage and peppers for dinner.

Dick offered to start the camp stove and barbeque for me, but where were the matches?
I informed him that they were right next to the camp stove, where we usually kept them. I walked over to show him. The matches were not there. Dick happened to look down, and pointed. Every match in the box (it had been full to start) had been lit and thrown on the ground. Dick voiced the thought that maybe our girls had been playing with the matches. I reminded him that we had been gone all day, so that was not possible.

Reluctantly, Dick asked our neighbor woman if we could borrow some matches. Her children followed us back and informed us that they had lit our matches, and tried to light our stove.
I could not believe what I was hearing. “We took your dog for a walk, too!” the little girl informed me. “And, we fed her some hot dogs! “the girl’s brother chimed in. “You shouldn’t have done that” I scolded. I looked at their mother, hoping for some input, but she had her nose in a book and was obviously unconcerned.

When the children asked why they should not have done that, I tried maintain my calm and explain that the dog could have bit someone, and we would have been in trouble. “But she is a nice dog!” they added, as if I was being told something new. “It doesn’t matter, she is NOT your dog, you should NEVER take someone else’ dog for a walk without asking! You also should not play with matches, you could have been hurt!” “Oh,” was all they said, obviously not getting the point I was trying to make.

Frustrated with the children and their mother’s lack of guidance, I tried to remain calm.
I told them they needed to go back to their camp, that we were going to be eating. “Oh, what are you having for dinner?” the children asked. “Sausage and peppers” I grumbled. “Can we eat with you? “ “NO!” Laura exclaimed, before I could get the words out.
She had been quiet for the most part, but she had taken all she could. “NO, you can’t, and you need to go back to your camp!” Laura shouted at them.

I tried to smooth things over a bit, but the two children did not understand. I finally had to firmly tell them that it was not okay to play with matches. It was not okay to take a strange dog for a walk, and it was not polite to ask if you could eat dinner with someone, now please go back to your camp.

Mom must have gotten the hint, finally, because she timidly told them to come back.
We ate dinner in peace, and after dinner, Laura was able to open her presents. I could feel the eyes of the two children next door watching Laura as she opened her gifts. I felt a twinge of sympathy for them. They were obviously lonely and needed a mother’s attention.

That evening, Dick went next door again, to inquire if the neighbors were going to put their food away. “Yeah, we just wanted to give our kids some excitement” was their reply. Dick couldn’t resist “Well, you did. Your dog treed the bear on the side of the tent that your kids were sleeping on!” “ What would you have done if the bear fell out of the tree?” No reply. Dick continued on “You gave your kids some excitement, alright, along with everyone else!”
“Yeah, guess we should lock up our food tonight” they finally managed. Satisfied, we began to get ready for bed.

Everyone went to bed, and if the bear came through, either everyone was too tired (including the dogs) to notice, or the bear couldn’t find anything worthwhile to stick around for.
So the camping trip ended, but Laura made it clear that not only did she never want to go camping for her birthday again; she especially never wanted to camp at Little Grass Valley for her birthday again.
We did find out later that the camp had decided to move the “Clampers” to another campground farther down the road from then on. Little Beaver is too popular and there had been too many complaints from other campers. Still, even that could not convince Laura to go to Little Grass Valley on or near her birthday from then on.
Thus ended the camping expedition that (could have been) something from National Lampoon’s vacation.
As I said, some names have been changed, mainly to protect ME from the wrath of my children and any perceived humiliation on their part.